


As You Make Me (The Shady Woman)

by Gothbull



Series: Tangled Webs [2]
Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Bronte Róisín Malone, Explicit Language, F/M, Heavy Petting, Multi, Non-Explicit Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-10 08:26:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2017929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothbull/pseuds/Gothbull
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bronte Róisín Malone is the vocalist and bassist for Amanda Zero, a relatively unknown band from Wells, Nevada. They were lucky enough to get picked up by Pete Wentz's record label in 2005. They've been working hard on their debut album ever since, constantly creating and revising new content. Finally in the summer of 2006, they've finished, and Pete is already setting up a tour to get their name out and about. Bronte finds herself having doubts about the crowds accepting their sound, but Pete believes he has just the right line up to get the people's attention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As You Make Me (The Shady Woman)

Saturday. 12:30 p.m. 2005

Brendon

They'll call for the boarding process to start soon. As excited as I'm trying to be, I can feel that my face is plastered in a hard frown. My palms are cold and clammy, and my stomach has begun to feel the same way. I've been this way for months. There hasn't been a lot of eating or sleeping; really, it's all just a big, blurry frown. "What is your _problem_ , man?" Brent's been asking me every few days. I just shrug or shake my head; never give him an answer. Spencer doesn't have to ask. He knows everything. Ryan coaxed it out of me without even trying the other day.

Three days earlier

"Hey, man," he joined me on the cheap, ugly couch. "Seems like you're not on your game tonight. What's going on?" I glanced up, watching Spence and Brent standing around the drum set, talking. They were on the other side of the room, in a completely different world, it seemed. I had been in my own little bubble for quite some time, never really bothering to use my voice unless I was singing, forced to join in conversation, or felt I really needed to add my input. Spencer understood and would provide small conversations to keep me from shutting myself away completely. Brent _didn't_ understand, and never gave enough chase to bother finding out.

Ryan had noticed. I caught him glancing my way every so often. More than usual, my voice was so full of emotion during practices, and perhaps that's what got him to look a little closer. It wasn't until three days before our departure, he finally confronted me about it.

"I've been too proud to admit it out loud," I spoke after what felt like a century between us. "Every time I start to say it, different words come blurting out of my mouth." To my surprise, Ryan chuckled, dropping his head in his hands. I almost flipped. He was laughing at me? What the fuck?

"I'm sorry, Brendon," he shook his head, still grinning. "I just forget you're still in high school sometimes." He composed himself, placing a firm hand on my shoulder. "A _girl_ has done this to you."

"Did Spence-"

"No, he didn't," he interrupted. "You're too proud to tell your best friends what's wrong? Dead giveaway that Lisa broke your heart."

"She didn't break my heart," I sighed. "She broke... _everything_ , man. Everything."

"Women are powerful," Ryan commented. "You hurt them once for only a second, they will make your life a living hell for five years, trust me."

"I believe it. I mean," I started stammering now. "I mean, I poured everything I had into this girl and it's taken away in, like, three minutes." He gestured for some elaboration. "This opportunity," I lifted my hands to point around us, "It wouldn't have worked between her and me once we got out of here. I started talking about break it off, and somehow _she_ broke up with _me_."

"Sounds about right."

I rubbed my forehead, wiping a few drops of sweat. "I don't know, man. I've been hurt by girls before, but not like this."

"It happens, Brendon," he shrugs. "It's unavoidable. I remember my mom once called it 'Part of becoming a man'."

"Yeah, maybe." It felt like this pain just wasn't going away, and never would.

"Look, I bet it hurts big-time, but it's not going to always feel that way," he consoled. "You're still young. And I'm not about to give you that "other fish in the sea" crap because that is just a crock of shit. Men are like fishermen, and women are keeping us employed. And we'll just keep throwing that line out and reeling it back in, constantly throwing back all these fish that we don't think are worth the work we're putting in. We're looking for that one. That big catch. Sounds to me like you had it. She was willingly swimming up to your boat."

"And then I just...let her go," I finished for him.

He nodded. "Way I see it, you can continue to look back on that day, just sitting alone on your boat, regretting losing her, or you can go back and try to find her again. Reel her back in and this time, don't let her go." He gave me a final pat on the back. "You've got three days." And he got up and walked away.

I spent the first two days, my phone clutched in my hands, staring down at Lisa's name. It would be effortless for my thumb to just hit SEND and call her. But I never did. What would I say to the girl? Did I have a legitimate excuse? The final night, I laid back in my bed, my hands shoved under my head. That moment seemed so trivial. So silly. Why was I acting like my life would never be okay without her? I managed to handle myself just fine before I met her, so why am I suddenly unsure of what to do with myself?

The phone on my nightstand seemed like it was screaming at me. Call her! Call her!

No, I had to get over this. I had to move on. There was no way I was going to let this girl run the rest of my life. Why would I shape myself around this one insignificant girl I met in high school? I knew I was going to meet at least hundreds of girls during the rest of my life, and I was bound to fall in love with one of them.

Then, the decision was made. I shut my phone off to resist the temptation, double checked I had everything packed, and went to sleep.

The next day, I awoke still feeling heavy. We had a late flight that day, and the only thing I had to worry about was making sure I got there. I went about my morning routine,not thinking of any specific thing, except that it would be my last day spent in that house with my parents. Mom fixed a full breakfast for the whole family. She made all my favorites, and even baked up some cinnamon rolls. This was her goodbye.

We all sat around the large, oblong table, eating, talking, laughing. I would miss my family dearly. There had been the usual fights between us all, and when I had been younger, I thought they would tears us away from one another. But at that moment, watching my siblings all shouting over each other, trying to get the last funny word in, and my father place his hand upon my mother's, I knew no matter what we would ever say to each other, we would always be family. I would always love them, and they would always love me.

Ryan arrived to pick me up. All my bags were stacked next to the front door, but I was still hesitant to leave. There's always that feeling that you're forgetting something. My father helped me gather all my things, smiling politely at Ryan, and shaking his hand.

"Take care of my boy, you hear?" my mother made a stern joke.

"I'll certainly try, ma'am," Ryan nodded. "But you know him. The kid can be a bit of a loose cannon, right?" My mother laughed, but she wasn't necessarily happy. She had to say goodbye to her baby boy. I couldn't blame her sorrowful expressions.

"Bren?" I heard a soft female voice. My heart dropped. _It can't be. There's no way. She's too proud. She wouldn't come see me at the last second to make amends._

I whipped around, my eyes waiting to fall upon that beautiful blonde hair...but they didn't. Instead, I found myself looking at a pile of golden brown curls. "Marisol," I sighed, relieved, but also disappointed. My heart was trying to pick itself back up again. "Rudy," I nodded to him.

"Came to see you off, buddy," he smiled, his arm draped over his girlfriend's shoulders.

"I appreciate it," I smiled as Rudy set a heavy hand on my shoulder. "I'm glad you guys could make it."

"I told you earlier, man, you were _my friend_ before you were my friend's _boyfriend_." Sure, I understood why Rudy was there. We were tight. But I assumed Marisol was only there to tag along with her boyfriend; we weren't nearly as close. Never hung out without the company of either Lisa or Rudy. Didn't seem like our friendship was enough to bring her out here.

"You two doing alright?" My hand gripped the back of my neck, uncomfortably. Suddenly, the moment was making me nervous. I didn't know how to carry on a conversation only to say something along the lines of "goodbye forever."

" _We_ are doing just fine," Marisol almost grumbled. Rudy glared at her, but she didn't bother to notice. "Lisa, on the other hand-"

"Mare," Rudy pinched the bridge of his nose. "Now is one of those times where you need to learn to not talk." The girl looked offended and was about to open her mouth to say something before Rudy dangled his car keys in front of her. "Please." She scoffed and swiped the jingling bundle from him, her heels clomping against the cement. They were going to get married one day. I just knew it. "I'm sorry, man. She's just...bitter."

"How is..Lisa?" I internally kicked myself. _Why are you asking?!_ Rudy made a face and an odd movement with his neck, like he was uncomfortable about answering. "Spare me my pride and just tell me, dude."

"She's strong," he answered. A part of me was grateful it seemed she wasn't experiencing the gut-wrenching pain like I was, but another part was silently fuming that I was the only one experiencing _any_ emotion from this. "But...all the things I tried to help ready her for, I didn't prepare her for this kind of heartbreak." He fixed his glasses slightly, a movement I had only seen him do once before when he felt guilty for starting an argument with Marisol. "For some reason, my overly sensitive girlfriend gets extremely angry at Lisa for simply not talking about it. Really, she doesn't bring it up, and when Mare does, Lis shuts down and either stays quiet, or she moves on to another topic. Probably thinks she's having a hard time moving on."

"Okay, okay!" I had to stop him. "Spare me my guilt." Rudy and I only talked for a few moments longer. Enough time to tell him I valued our friendship, I would miss him and this town, and I would stay in touch. "Goodbye."

The drive to the airport was more emotional than I had expected it to be. The roads I had been driving on daily for the past school year seemed to already be foreign to me. How long until the rest of the town was unrecognizable? My heart skipped a few beats as my eyes set upon a small coffee shop on the street corner. Her face flashed in my mind. It was like I was reliving that moment. I walked into the shop, attempting to very quickly scan the area to find her. I could only hope she hadn't left yet. Gratefully, she hadn't. The first thing I noticed were her wide, hazel eyes. She was surprised I would come? Her body was stiff in her seat, like she thought one wrong move and I'd be out the door.

I rubbed my eyes. with my knuckles.  _I can't keep torturing myself like this._ Suddenly, I thought about the desert, and our long nights in the dark, the bed of her truck providing as our sanctuary. Those nights of hard talks, close calls, and gaining deeper understandings about each other. _Leave it alone, Urie._

The airport was a mess. A surprising amount of people cluttered the large halls and terminals. This is about when it all started feeling surreal. Like a dream. Except, if it was such, I wouldn't classify it as an easygoing dream. It was a nightmare.

They'll call for the boarding process to start soon.

I wasn't expecting to fall asleep, but Spencer's shaking me by my shoulder, jolting me awake. "That's us, buddy," he urges. "Let's get going." It's like my body is trying to fight me while I stand up and grab my bag. I know haste would be a good choice, but it just feels like my fatigue is just stalling me. My knees buckle as I take my first step, and with every following step, my heart is falling lower and lower.

Questions race through my mind, too obvious to bother repeating. Then, it simply becomes me yelling at myself in my head. This is my new life, and nothing's ever going to make me back out. The polite woman who takes my ticket feels the need to show me the direction I should continue walking with her hand, though it's really the only way I can go. _Even if she was here right now, calling out my name, I wouldn't-_

_"Brendon!"_

It's faint. But it _is_ recognizable. As I turn, my body starts aching. She is not doing this to me! My eyes begin the search again. The blonde hair, the perfect eyes. Where is she? I heard her clear as day. _She has to be here._

But she's not.

It's only strangers. People I didn't recognize or care about all clamoring around a situation that's happening on the ground. _Of course she didn't come. What was I thinking?_

The plane doesn't take too long to start. Suddenly, I'm eager to get the hell out of this place. I _want_ to leave everything behind me, and start something new that would mean more to me than anything else. Anyone I have ever met. Anyone I have ever fallen for. I'm not going to let anything hold me back. I won't let anyone sway me against myself and my morals. Today is the perfect day to start the change. I'm not a boy anymore. Today, I become a man.

A grin spreads across my face as the plane departs from the ground. I feel a loud sigh of instant relief escape my lungs. The pain is gone. The thoughts are gone. Peace is all that's left for me. Peace, and weightlessness.

Goodbye, Elisa.


End file.
